I'm super sensitive today. Not sure why. I miss my boyfriend. Had a bad dream last night about him, he dumped me for some cute young chicks...yes that was plural.
No, I don't fear that happening, I trust him, which is why I don't know I dreamt that.
I don't fear anything, really... shit happens whether you want it to or not, so I take things as they come and deal with them then.
I haven't been sleeping well. Not sure why? Well maybe I am...my sister's finally going to marry the man of her dreams...my nephews dad. Thank God! So I'm happy about that, but I think subconciously stressed about "what's going to happen to me?". We've lived together for 5 years and share a lot of things...I'll be on my own...its scary...even for being 36, its scary.
My mom is going to sell her house..the house I grew up in. She's going to move away to Washington or something for a while. Home-base gone. That's scary. I sound like a teenager about to go out on my own...but I'm not. I'm almost 40 for Christ's sake. (sidebar-I still look gooood)
My daughter is finally becoming able to speak her mind about her absent father. We had a huuuge long emotional discussion last night about him. She impressed me with her conversation. Aware he's not responsible enough to take care of her, aware she doesn't really want him here she just misses not having a dad, aware enough that she doesn't want to call him even though she knows now that i have his number. She's smart. She's telling me how she sticks up for herself when other kids at school question/tease her about not having a dad. (Kids are cruel...I used to be one)
Its all so draining.

I'm Gemini...I have a hard time accepting change, especially when it happens so quickly.

So I'm weeping on the way to work just filled with so much joy about my sister!
So I'm angry that my kid feels she's missing out on something by not having a dad.
So I'm emotional and semi-jealous cuz the lesbians who live below my boyfriend get to spend more time with him than I do. (trust me, not jealous of them...just the time they get with my man)

So I've written this all down.
I've expelled. I feel a bit better.
Someone will read it and maybe relate to it, if not...at least someone knows what I'm feeling.

peace out.