So it's Wednesday

and I'm a bundle of mixed emotions.

I'm really excited for the holidays. I'm preparing things early. Planning. Buying early. Feels good.
Job is good. Secure. I might actually get an office soon. One manager suggested it to my boss, and he said 'uh, yeah we could do that'. so maybe.

Now I'm also living in fear, and I don't like that. I'm not in fear of my life or anything but I live in constant fear of my living situation.
My sister is going to get married next year and will move out. There goes that security.
My fab friend and roommate says she's not going anywhere and that's a comfort, but she will want to start her life (babies and whatnot) soon, and that's awesome, and then she'll leave.

I fear I won't get the additional roommates I want to move in because of timing issues.

I don't like being afraid of moving. I hate moving. I love where I live. I can't afford to live in my own place. It's too expensive out here and I'm raising a kid alone with no financial help and it scares me. I know a million people do it, but I don't know how.
I know the universe has its own way of working and I know that worrying does nobody any good because what's going to happen will happen regardless. I know that every unexpected change is a new adventure and shouldn't be feared because its not always a bad thing.
I'm rambling.

bottom line: I don't want to move. I can't afford to live anywhere else. I wouldn't know any other people to move in and who's to say the landlords would even let them.
I know I would never end up on the street, my family would never let that happen, then again...I don't want to have to depend on anyone else...but I do...and damnit I fucking hate that.

*sigh*

its stressful.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I knew my mom wasn't planning on selling her house.